I was mindlessly checking Facebook today and came across this headline: Sibling Study Finds No Long-Term Breastfeeding Benefits For Kids. It came up on NPR’s news feed, so I’ll take it as more legit than most of the junk that I usually see. I thought, wow! Where was this article 22 months ago when I felt like a failure?
And then I was like, WHY THE F AM I NOT BLOGGING ABOUT MOTHERHOOD ANYMORE?!
And then I was like, if people read this, they’ll laugh at me. I’m pretty sure that my last blog post said, “no, but for reals, I’m going to blog about being a mommy.” [Fact check: I said that on June 17, 2013.]
So I opened up a $7 of Malbec and began writing.
I’ve had a lot of ups and downs on The Mommy Crash Course over the past 22 months. I’ve nearly finished my second year as a full-time working mother. My son has lived through the entirety of that time, and learned to run, jump, ride a balance bike and say “watch this” when he is about to do something utterly amazing, like throw a ping pong ball at his own face. I think my students have done okay too, even though being a working mom means I devote a little less time and effort to them as well. All things considered, the kids in my life are alright.
I can say that the thought of bringing another child into this world is a little bit terrifying. Sometimes my husband and I talk about an imaginary second child, but to honest, I have some mostly selfish and probably weird reasons why I’m not so sure I’m ready.
- I am in the best freaking shape of my life. Yeah, I put that first. I’m okay with it.
- I love my son so much it hurts sometimes. Can a mother divide that up?
- We have a two bedroom house. My office on the first floor would become a kid bedroom. Is that weird to demote your kid to the first floor? Is it bad that I really like having my little office space?
- Daycare is expensive, and we have cheap daycare.
- Every person on the planet will ask me if I hope “it” is a girl.
- Other people will compare my children to each other. Lame.
- Have you ever gone through pregnancy while teaching high school kids?
- Scratch that. Going through pregnancy and talking to anyone who talks about my body as if it’s not my own is pretty terrible in general.
- My bra size is no longer a double anything. Partly due to reason #1 I’m sure.
- This world in crazy. The external factors that I have to control as a mother in 2014 are crazy.
At some point in my life, I should consider meditation to shut my brain off for a bit. I pretty much over think every single aspect of my life, which can be pretty exhausting.
My glass of Malbec’s gone. It’s 9:05 on a Saturday night. Time for bed.
[just kidding. it was totally two glasses of wine]