Someone actually asked me for advice on how to live her life as a newly pregnant woman.  Clearly this woman does not know that I am in no way an authority figure who should be giving advice on pregnancy or having children.  But she asked for it, so I’ll try my best:

  1. Embark on this journey with zero expectations and your life will be [sort of] wonderful. You probably won’t experience it the way your sister, your cousin or that annoying woman at your office did. Be ready for whatever your body throws your way. It’s all weird.  Just go with it.
  2. Purchase some new underwear in the next size up now, before you feel like an idiot trying to bend down to sift through those stupid drawers at Victoria’s Secret at 30 weeks.  Get ready to buy some new bras too. And then more after you have the baby too.  I could run a lingerie store out of my top drawer.
  3. Start waxing ASAP.  You can thank me later.
  4. Purchase at least one pair of good maternity jeans.  They will make you feel like a normal, and  I dare say attractive, person, despite the “bump” that is ever-growing over them.  As depressing as it might be to think of now, you’ll also love those jeans after you have the baby.  It might even be difficult to part with them once you really don’t need to be wearing them anymore.
  5. When packing your hospital bag, you’ll probably put about a dozen things in there that you will never use or wear.  Believe it or not, I did not use the mascara or blush packed into my bag three weeks before I went to the hospital.  The only thing I will tell you not to bother with is underwear.  They’ll give you a hundred pairs of these crazy mesh ones.  I won’t go into detail, but let’s just say, you won’t want to ruin the ones you’ve got.
  6. If you insist on having a birth plan, I suggest making one similar to mine: (1) Give birth in a hospital (2) Get an epidural (3) Leave with a baby.  Ask my husband.  This really was my plan.  Number two could very well not have happened, and there was always the possibility of a c-section.  I’m grateful to have had a very uncomplicated labor and delivery – once my labor was finally kick started after over 24 hours of NOT being induced by an induction…maybe I’ll tell you about it some time – but I tried very hard to not think about all of the things that could go wrong or not in the way that I anticipated.  In the end, I think that’s what made the birth of my son really enjoyable.  Okay, I also had the epidural.  Otherwise enjoyable might not be the word of choice.

I’m sure someone will read this and think I am a moron, or disagree with my choices to buy nice underwear and get an epidural, but hey, it’s my blog!  Now if you’ll excuse me, I’ve got some mothering to do.

Advertisements